Love's Misery
by TheUnnamedAvatar
Summary: Love is a beautiful thing, but no one talks about all the pain you go through. Entry for Canon vs. Fanon by DobbyRocksSocks


Entry for: Canon vs. Fanon Competition by DobbyRocksSocks

Ship: Ronks (Remus/Tonks)

Prompts: sorrow, torment, crushed, melancholy, rejected, and despair

**A/N: I kind of tried some new stuff with this fanfiction. 1) I asked for sad prompts instead of happy and 2) I wrote it in Tonks and Remus's POV and used MrsTater's concept of POV switching in Unwrapped. The scenes usually start with Tonks's POV and most switch to Remus's POV. If you guys have any tips for writing in first person, please tell me! There will be another chapter after this, but I'm not sure when I'll be able to get it up...**

**(And I apologize in advance for any mistakes. I can't read very well when I'm sleep deprived. I'll try to go back later and fix any mistakes. If you find some, please let me know!)**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me but to JK Rowling. I'm just borrowing her characters and I quoted a few sections from the Battle of the Department of Mysteries.**

**Chapter 1**

A cool breeze swept around and blew my green fringe into my face. Tossing my head and huffing, I tried to get it out of my face. I quickly stopped when I heard Remus snickering beside me. When I turn to glare at him, he just gives me sheepish grin, prompting me to whack him playfully on the arm. Much to my embarrassment, in doing so, I trip over my own feet, but Remus catches me before I can fall. He's always there to catch me, I wonder if he'll help me when he realizes I'm falling in love with him. Well, there's one way to find out..

"Remus?" I broke the silence as my fingers gently brushed his forearm, holding him back.

"Mm?"

"I. . . just have to. . know. ." I reply hesitantly.

He shot me a questioning look, but instead of explaining myself, my body lunged towards him, pressing my lips against his. Before he could pull away, my hands reached for his shoulders and firmly held him in place. After resisting for a few seconds, he pulled me flush against him and began moving his lips in time with mine.

I released my grip on his shoulders and tried to clasp my arms around his neck, but I found that he was no longer there. Opening my eyes, I saw Remus gaping from several feet away. Before I could say anything, he interrupted me.

"That.. That shouldn't have... shouldn't have happened... I'm.. Uh... I didn't mean to... Oh Merlin! I'm sorry, Tonks!" he stammered before rushing ahead to the Disapparation site, leaving me alone in the dark.

_Bloody hell! Why did I have to be a bloody moron and act on my stupid heart! Now I've mucked everything up and he's rejected me! I'll be lucky if he ever forgives me! _I silently cursed myself as tears trickled down my cheeks and fell to the ground.

—

_It's been nearly a week since the kiss, nearly a week since the last time I talked with him, nearly a week since I've felt his relaxing presence. Ever since then, all I've been feeling is tension and a deep sorrow as I've spent my days grueling away at the Ministry and fruitless nights of trying to talk to Remus. So far, I haven't even been able to stay in the same room with him for more than five minutes before he makes some excuse to leave. No ones noticed yet, but if I press it too hard, someone's bound to notice. My only option left is to wait for a better time..._

At that moment, the kitchen door swung open and in walked Remus, his face in deep thought, his gaze unfocused.

_It's been nearly a week since the kiss, nearly a week since the last time I talked with her, nearly a week since the tension and discomfort arose. I've spent my days in Sirius's company with my guard up and nights with the Order, constantly leaving rooms to avoid her. I won't be able to keep this up for much longer! Each time I slip out, I see her face fall in defeat and her hopes being crushed. Not only that, but if she keeps pushing it, someone's bound to notice and we'll have to explain ourselves. I hope she'll just let this blow over.._

Sighing, I look up to find myself face to face with Tonks. My face flushed red, and I gape at her before stumbling back out of the kitchen.

—

It's another lonely night at Grimmauld Place, and tonight I find myself in a conversation about the Ministry with Mad-Eye, Arthur, and Kingsley. Soon their chatter is drowned out by my own thoughts.

_Maybe I should try to talk to Remus again.. He hasn't been as quick in noticing my presence, it may be my chance right now. But he probably doesn't want to even be around me after that night.. What am I even going to say to him? Maybe I-_

"NYMPHADORA!" Mad-Eye growls as the front legs of my chair slam to the floor.

"Oh.. Sorry, what?" I asked innocently, knowing I was in for an earful.

"Were you not paying any bloody attention to what we were saying?!" he asked rhetorically.

"Sorry, Mad-Eye.. I've just been feeling out of it for a while..." I responded lamely.

"Are you feeling alright, Tonks? You've been pretty melancholic for the past few days... Maybe Molly can whip up a good meal to bring you out of it?" Arthur offered politely.

"No, I'm fine Arthur. I just need to clear my head."

"How about a day or two off work? You have been putting in some gruesome hours, Tonks," Kingsley's deep voice suggested. "You can take rest and unwind in this dusty ol' place."

Immediately, I perk up and take Kingsley up on his offer. This is my chance! Remus won't expect this so I can catch him off guard!

Bidding everyone a pleasant evening, I trip up the stairs to my room where I begin my method of attack on Remus.

—

Waking up early in the morning was never my strong suit, but I jumped out of bed once I realized what day it was. Slipping into a loose dressing robe, I slinked my way into the kitchen and hid in the shadows, awaiting his arrival.

It wasn't long before I heard a door click closed upstairs and the creaking of the staircase. The door creaks open and I find myself staring at a pajama clad Remus.

Groggily, he parts from the doorway and makes his way around the kitchen, lazily flicking his wand and gathering his little breakfast kit. As his attention is elsewhere, I silently glide to the door. Looks like all that stealth practice Mad-Eye put me through finally paid off. While his back is still towards me, my hand moves towards the door.

_Click_

My head snaps towards the door once the silence is broken. My eyes are met with the sight of Tonks, covered by an oversized dressing robe with a slinky tank top and neon pajama shorts. My eyes trail up her body, mesmerized by the generous amount of skin showing. My chest heaving from the sight of her, but what really takes my breath away is her face.

Her eyes sunken are no longer sparkling with joy and mirth, she looked paler than the dreaded moon, and the shadows do nothing to hide the faint bags around her eyes. Normally her hair was vibrant colors sculpted into different figures, but right now her hair was her natural color and length. The color was usually a deep brown, but in comparison to her, it was a dull, mousy color. I stumble towards her, fingering the ends of her wispy hair.

"Why?" I whisper.

"It's not worth the effort to keep up the joyful facade when others aren't around. When they are, I just pretend I'm not missing the joy in my life," a reminiscent smile tugs at her lips before she whispers, "I pretend I'm not missing you."

I stagger back at her proclamation and look at her, bewildered. I stare into her empty eyes, gaping and shaking my head in denial.

She glides towards me and closes the distance. Gingerly, she touches my forearm, but I flinch in response, causing her to retract her hand and drop her head.

"I've answered your question. Please, answer mine," my eyes begged with desperation. "Do you feel the same way about me?"

His head cowering in fear of my pleading gaze, he stammers, "I.. I think of you as an.. admirable person and... loyal friend..."

"Remus," my voice cracked. "You know that's not what I meant. You know that I-"

"No, Tonks, I can't do this! I'm.. I'm sorry.. Please.. forgive me," he sputtered before rushing past me and out the door.

I lurch towards the door, pushing it shut. My back slides down the wood, and I fall my to knees, weeping in despair. Between my body-heaving sobs I whisper my declaration of love into the darkness.

—

As we entered the elevator and begin the descent to the Department of Mysteries, Mad-Eye turned towards all of us, repeating his vigil. As the doors open, we rush through the dark halls and into a circular chamber. There were dozens of black, identical doors, the only distinguishing feature was three large, red X's on separate doors. Mad-Eye and Kingsley paced the edges of the room, stopping here and there. As they continued their search, I begin focusing on everyone's face: Kingsley's dark face and angular features; Mad-Eye's scarred face and sneered mouth; Sirius's unshaven, carefree face molded into a look of determination; and.. Remus staring at me.. Our eyes meet and stay locked on each others' until Mad-Eye growls, signaling the door we're to enter. As Kingsley yanks the door open, we share a small nod before rushing into battle.

Once we enter the fray, spells begin to shoot out of our wands and towards the Death Eaters surrounding Harry. More and more spells began to whizz through the air, towards their targets. I kept an eye on Remus and tried to throw a spell or two his way without hitting him. For a while, no one really focused on me, giving me the chance to aid others, but I was soon impeded by my favorite aunt who engaged me in a duel.

Struggling to keep up, my wand was a blur as I hurled spell after spell at the crazed witch. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Remus stumble as a spell hurtles towards him. Forgetting my own danger, I cast a shield charm in his direction, but Bellatrix uses the distraction to her advantage, hitting me with a spell. I felt myself fall backwards, over the edge of the dais and plummet towards the ground.

"Tonks!"

I race to her side, but a couple of Death Eaters intercept me. Flicking my wand and snapping my wrist, I send spell after spell until they're flown against the wall. I sprint the remaining distance and kneel beside her fallen form. Right as I find her pulse, I hear Neville cry out the arrival of Dumbledore. His appearance spooks the remaining Death Eaters, all except one.

Sirius and Bellatrix remained dueling near the great arch. A sense of foreboding in my bones, I give Tonks's hand one last squeeze before weaving through the rubble towards the arch, keeping my eyes on the dueling figures. I saw his psychotic cousin fire two spells. He easily dodges the first but didn't notice the second. By the time I cried out in warning, it was too late...

Sirius fell through the veil. My knees nearly crumbled beneath me, but I flew to Harry, holding him back before he could follow Sirius.

"There's nothing you can do, Harry... nothing.. he's gone," I choke, tears welling in the back of my eyes.

Eventually, Harry gave up his efforts and it took all my strength not to abandon him and run to check on Tonks. Alastor was by her, attempting to revive her. She was in safe hands.

Suddenly, Harry sprang up and ran towards the exit, chasing Bellatrix. I wasn't able to catch up to Harry who ran through to the revolving doors. Defeated, I jogged back towards Tonks, who was still unconscious. Alastor began briefing me about her condition, but I heard none of it as I took one of her cold hands between mine, tenderly stroking the back of her hand.

"Remus!" Kingsley boomed. "Dumbledore and Harry are fighting You-Know-Who in the Atrium and the Ministry is on the way. We have to leave now!"

He moved to Levitate Tonks, but I blocked his path.

"No. We don't know what curse she was hit with. Let me..."

I gingerly brush her hair from her face before picking up her limp form.

"Hurry, get her to St. Mungo's! We'll take care of this lot!" Alastor growled as I hurried to leave the Ministry.

—

"Itty-bitty wittle halfblood!"

Hearing my deranged aunt's sneer, my body tenses and tries to move into a protective position, but my muscles scream in protest. Breathing heavily, I look around, searching for her, but I'm met with a sea of darkness.

Hearing Mad-Eye's directions in my head, I calm myself and try to recall the last thing I remember. Slowly, it all comes back to me; dueling with Bellatrix, helping Remus, getting hit with some curse, and falling down.

_This has to be some kind of reaction to the curse... What the bloody hell did she hit me with? I hope the others are okay... Oh Merlin! What about Remus?_ My heart pinged just at the thought of his name.

Images began flashing through my head. Tripping through the halls of Grimmauld Place and up the stairs, dinner with everyone after Order meetings, all the late nights spent talking with Sirius and Remus, having watch duty with Remus, kissing Remus...

My body tingled at just the thought of his kiss, and I closed my eyes at the memory of that fateful night. Opening my eyes, I find myself staring at the starry night sky with a light breeze flowing through. Slowly I stand and survey my surroundings. It seemed so familiar, but for some reason, I can't remember why.

_Bloody hell! This is from our last watch... When I kissed him... But that means that we should be passing by soon... Merlin! I have to get out of here, I can't stand to watch this again!_

I begin to hear the clumping of two people and try to run in the opposite direction, but no matter what direction I run, I hear the footsteps. I sprint towards the woods, knowing that we stayed away from the forest line. By the time I reach the trees, my chest is heaving and I'm doubled over out of breath.

"Remus?"

My back straightens at the sound of my voice and I whip around.

_That's impossible.. I... I was just by the forest.._

"I. . . just have to. . know. ."

Suddenly I see myself shoot forward, and my mouth latches onto his with a firm kiss. I feel my lips tingle as he stops resisting and kisses me back. But within seconds, he's standing feet away from me, his face covered with a look of disbelief. My eyes begin to sting, knowing what happens next.

But instead of stammering his apology, I hear him scream, "Get away from me, Tonks! Why the bloody hell would you just do that?!"

I flinch at the loudness of his voice and the malevolence dripping from it. My vision started to go blurry as my eyes filled with tears. _This isn't what happened, what was going on?_

"Did you think I wanted you to kiss me? I was being polite and amiable, not inviting you to snog me! Why would anyone want to snog you? You're just a shape-shifting freak!" he sneered before Disapparating away once more.

Falling to my hands and knees, I can no longer hold back my sobs and the tears run freely down my face, making a puddle between my clenched fists. Now my heart was broken even worse than before, tormented by what he probably thought.

I sat hunched over her bed, one hand lost in her hair and the other gently squeezing her cold hand. All I could do was listen to her slow breathing and feel her weak pulse.

Desperate for a distraction, I closed my eyes, recounting that fateful night. Her soft lips against mine, her body flush against mine and her arms around me.

I was woken from my dream by a wet feeling on my hand. She was crying and her tears were falling on my hand. Reaching over, I took both of her hands in mine and gave them a gentle squeeze before bending over to gently kiss them.

_How could I be such a fool? I pushed away and endangered the only woman who ever saw past my condition. She didn't care, she offered to help, and what have I done? I broke her heart and ran away from her. I endangered her health and she may not wake up because of me._

Tears began streaming down my cheeks and onto both of our hands. My quiet sobs wracked my body and I whispered to her hands, "I'm so sorry, Tonks. This is all my fault, you've never done anything wrong but fall in love with a stupid old man. Please, wake up! I love you."

_Ughhh! My mind is playing tricks on me! Acting as if I heard him declare his love._

I tried to pull my hands over my face, but I found them tightly held down. Groggily opening my eyes, I find myself on a hospital bed with Remus crying over my hands.

"Tonks! Merlin, you scared me!" he sobbed between kissed to my hands. "Never do that again. I don't know what I'd do without you!"

"No!" I exclaim, weakly pulling my hands from him and burying my face in them. "This has to end! I can't take any more of this torture! He doesn't love me!"

With a confused look, Remus slowly pried my hands from my face, asking, "What do you mean? Tonks? I love you, and I'm so sorry for causing you all of this pain!"

"What..." I feebly respond, "What do you mean? This.. This can't be real.."

"Why don't you tell me?" my lips tugged at the corners before lowering themselves onto hers for a gentle, loving kiss.

Slowly, I pulled away, but my face stayed inches from hers.

"Tonks-no, Dora, I love you. Please, forgive me for everything even though I don't deser-"

She seals my lips with a passionate and firm kiss. Slowly we both pull away, our lips swollen.

"I love you too, Remus," she whispered.

**A/N: I know this was supposed to be a sadder ending, but I couldn't help myself. Besides, this should help me with the next chapter! Hope you enjoyed it!**


End file.
